Weekend #2

This weekend was a good one! We did some tourist-y type things here in Pittsburgh like ride the incline and go to the top of the Cathedral of Learning to look around.

We also went to a musical that my brother had a lead role in which also really fun!

I've had some people ask me if they can get Shania something for Christmas or similar. I have a list, feel free to message me about it if that's something you're interested in doing. We have most of her room set up, but she's not coming with a ton of clothes.

And she loves clothes and shoes. Haha! So different from me in that way - I'm much more of a function than fashion person.

Overall we had a great weekend and I'm looking forward to our next!

First weekend done!

Our first weekend with S was over Thanksgiving, which means we got an extended weekend with her. It was great.

We had dinner.
We went to the zoo.
My family to go meet her. She got to meet them.
We played monopoly.
We took the dogs for a walk.
We did not have any tantrums of meltdowns!

It was great! It was an adjustment, and with the holiday festivities I was exhausted by Sunday but good all around.

She's back at her current placement now and we have a few more weekends planned over December, including Christmas.

We have a court date in January scheduled for a "change of goal" hearing and we'll get more information about the full transition then.

TO THE FUTURE!

Preperations

A few nights ago we took an Ikea trip. Because #1 I love Ikea. And #2 we needed to get a few things for our foster placement :)

You read that right. Foster. Placement. BOOOOM.

There's a lot happening here, and we're excited and nervous, and all the things that go into becoming new parents.

I can't give many details out about S, in order to protect her privacy and her case history, but she is also very excited to be visiting us soon and then sometime this winter moving in.

I can let you know she's a teenager, her favorite color is neon green, and she wants to work with animals someday. She will be moving in with us sometime this winter. We current visit her on Sundays.

Also we got her this massive stuffed shark because it's a massive stuffed shark, who WOULDN'T want that?

End of October

Things are moving and shaking here in our house. We're doing research, we're moving furniture, we're preparing.

And things are defiantly moving. Lots of emails. A few visits with a child. Things are for sure really starting to move here.

On top of all of that, our clearances expire on Jan 1, so we're also refilling out most of our paperwork that we filled out last year. And we have to get finger printed again. Why? Because the law says so.

So here we come 2016, here we come.

October Update

Time for a Monthly Update!
In September we went to a Matching Event in Latrobe PA. At this event there were agencies and waiting children there for us to meet! We had a good time, met with some caseworkers, made some good connections and met some children. We'll have a meeting set up to meet with these children in future. There's a lot of moving parts there so at this point I'm not going to go into details.

In the mean time we're still searching, still putting out inquiries, still reading files. With so many moving pieces for each child the wheels of adoption don't move quickly, but we're getting through it.

For me, my Masters in Social Work program is going well so far. I enjoy my classes and start my internship doing research on teens with depression and anxiety next week.

There's a lot of stuff happening in our lives right now, more than can really be discussed in just a blog, but I am enjoying so much of it and I know our little family will expand soon.

Early September

Our interview in August went well, we were one of 3 families being considered for the 2 girls. We'd put in inquiries about a number of other single children and sibling groups and got some "no's" or "we're going in another direction."

Today we heard back about the 2 little girls. They are being placed with another family. Which is sad for us, because things feel a little more real after an interview. It's natural to think about how your life will change, what you will need to shift. You think about what life will be like with children.

Messy, beautiful life.

We've continued to put out feelers on other children, so we'll see what happens.

Today I am feeling a little down because of the news. I know it's not a value statement about us, just that they found something that works better for the girls.

It was a good experience, the interview, and now we know how things will run for next time, because there will be a next time. And for that, I am hopeful.

August Update

It's been a busy summer for us. Paul had some Army training to do in July, I've been working a bunch at Summer Camp at the Y, & we took a fun vacation to Seattle that was joyful and relaxing.

And we also have put in a bunch of inquiries about children. Our caseworker has been sending us lots of kids to look at, some we say "not for us" to and some we say "YES! This looks interesting!"

Some of it is heartbreaking. I've taken excerpts of files to my therapist to talk about conditions that are listed on the file, to talk about "if we had this child what could we expect," it's really nice to have a professional to be able to roll ideas around with.  Adoption from the foster system is not an easy road. I can't tell you the amount of people who seem to think that we get to just walk into an orphanage and pick up a kid.

You know... like an animal shelter.

These potential children had to be REMOVED from their parents homes. Generally speaking, they are not dropped off at the state house at age 6 "hey, we don't want to be parents anymore, kthxbai."

You don't get your kids taken away from you for giving them cake for breakfast or yelling at them a couple of times. You get your kids taken away from you for abusing them, neglecting them so much that someone reports you, and you're investigated, and you're deemed to have an unsafe environment for the children to live in.

Unlike infant adoption, which is a birthmother surrendering her child often to a pre-determined family and everything seems much neater, Foster-Adoption is much more messy. No two cases will ever be the same. On the cheap end, an infant adoption is around $20,000+. Our fostered adoption will be subsidized by the state of PA, so that the children can get into a healthy home where they can become functional, productive, (and hopefully) healthy members of society.

That all being said, I am excited about the processes so far. We have our first interview with a child's caseworker next week (we don't meet the children at that interview). We'll talk to the caseworker about our lives and about the kids. There are other families being interviewed as well, but it is an opportunity to learn more about the children and be able to ask any questions that we may have. Our caseworker will be there as well, to help us make decisions about what we are comfortable with and just to be there for us. Going on our first interview is a good experience to have, even if it doesn’t end up working out in the end, so I am really excited for it. 

Childhood Trauma Affects All of your Life

I found this TED talk today and it really hit home for me. Because of my own trauma/abuse history, because of our future children's histories, because of my fast approaching start to my Masters in Social Work. It's an important Thing. And I am spreading the word.

Welcome June!

Our Home Study is DONE!
We mailed our signature pages to our Case Worker, and as soon as she gets them we can start making inquires for children!

Hey June! It's going to be a great month!

So what happens next?

A lot of people have been asking me what happens next in our process.

The process of our adoption is a lot like the matchmaking and courting process if you had a matchmaker and chaperones! 

Our Caseworker, Erika, will look for potential matches for us, we can also look on the PAE website, and once we find one/many she'll make inquiries with the child(ren)s caseworker(s), sending our "cover letter" and following up with the Worker as needed.

If the child's caseworker likes us, we'll be called in for an interview.

If that goes well, then we meet the child or children in a public place with many caseworkers and social workers to see how it goes.

After a few meetings we'll probably have an over night or weekend with the kids at our home.

If things continue to go well then we move onto moving the child(ren) into our home. Then technically we'll be foster parents for at least 6 months, feeling things out on both ends - the child's, the caseworkers, and our own. Once we get through the "honeymoon" period (at least 6 months) and everyone, including child, us, and all the caseworkers are comfortable, we'll move to finalize the adoption. 

Check List

Our Family Profile is being written! We "passed" our home study/house walk through, which was a cake walk. Everything is progressing nicely. This weekend Paul and I are going to get some pre-adoption pictures taken with the lovely Katya which should be fun!


Once our Family Profile is written, and signed off by us, we begin looking for matches! 

We also have to write a paragraph about "How has your life experiences prepared you to provide permanency to a child with special needs?" and our Letter - which is like a cover letter for caseworkers - it has pictures, a little bit of information about us and our caseworkers contact information. 
These 2 items are in the works, and I am excited about all of it! 

Updates!

This winter was long! I am glad for spring time and for our jump-start on our adoption work. 

Last night we had our "Marriage" family profile session and tonight we have our "Parenting" one. After this we move onto our house walk through or "home study." That will conclude the meetings portion of our Family Profile. 

What is a Family Profile? 

 Good Question! Our family profile is a multi-page document that our case worker that represents us presents to the caseworkers of potential child matches for us. It is a compilation of all of our meetings we've had, list of "yes, no, & will consider," and our case worker's impression of us. It's all our documents and clearances and paperwork that says we are approved to be foster parents. 

So that's almost done! Once we do our home walk through, we give our caseworker 1-2 weeks to write our Profile and then we can start looking for matches on the PA adoption exchange and our caseworker can look for us as well. 

While talking to my Aunt the other day we decided the process of our adoption is a lot like the matchmaking and courting process if you had a matchmaker and chaperones! 

Once we have a potential match we'd most likely meet with that child's caseworker for an interview, then if that goes well we meet the child or children in a public place with many caseworkers and social workers to see how it goes. After a few meetings we'll probably have an over night or weekend with the kids at our home. If things continue to go well then we move onto whatever steps finalization include. 

It's exciting to move beyond this 1st stage, almost a year after we began this journey. It's been a busy year, and I am so excited for our next step. 

This is a beautifully written, and tragic, story I found yesterday afternoon: http://www.scarymommy.com/the-child-i-didnt-adopt/